Despair

Destruction of a DEMOCRACY
Economy in shambles
Salvation is unattainable
People now have no real understanding
All is lost
Inevitable is the conclusion
Return to the ways of our father we must

Fathers Plan

Father, at the end of time what do you see?
You were wise
All knowing and kind
Blessing your children
Bestowing free will
Denied for false truths
Your name spat like venom
Did you succeed in your plan?

Civil War

Tony, why did you release the hounds on us?
We served
Faithfully
Unyielding
Sometimes Bruised and Broken
What have you done?
We are doomed?

Spring

The wind blows like a sweet kiss from a long lost love
stiring memories of childhood happiness and adventure
The sun shines like a million billion trillion furiously fighting fireflies
warming my soul to its core
The aroma of freshly cut grass entices like a sultry sunday sleep
Tickling my nose like a soft feather
The dogs play like children
bounding and bouncing
Spring
Thank God you've arrived.

No title

Earth scorched and wasted they rears their head
Nostrils flare , eyes flash , breath reak
Screeching sounds surround their prey
Wings unfurl to raise the dead
Tail swings its mallet to crush the weak
Mounted malevolence marks his day
Fear grips the heart his bride to wed
face to face, beak to beak
Bitter battle begins it's play

Shy

From across a crowded room I see her.
Does she know?
Would she care?
What would I do?
What would I say?
I fantasize about just saying hello.
I fantasize about much more too.
Does she know my chest tightens?
Does she know my heart races like i'm on crack?
Does she know my hands can only stay still when shoved into my pockets?
Would she care that I can't take my eyes of her?
Would she care that holding her hand means something?
Would she care I know she blushes at silly jokes?
What would I do if she knew my name?
What would I do if she felt the same?
What would I do if she wrapped her hand around mine?
What would I say if she said hello?
What would I say if she told me she knows me too?
What would I say if she held my hand?
Oh my...she looked at me!
I leave quickly.
I'm Shy.

No title

In time we see the air expand
breathing ,growing, hungry
In life we hold the air in hand
Crushing, binding, stealing
In mind we dare to take a stand
Fighting, stabbing, punching
Light

Overdue Thanks

I just wanted to take a moment and thank all of those who were so kind during my moms passing. It is never easy to loose someone you love so much but as i'm sure you'll hear a million times it does get a little easier every day. I can only hope that I can be half the human being my mother was.

When all is said and done how will people remember you? With honor? With distain? With horror?

I want to be the kind of giving soul my mom was. To tell people how much I love them even when I don't. I want to be the kind of man people can respect becuase they know I respect them. To lead in a manner that will honor the sacrifices and love she gave to me.

Coping

How easy is it seems to be the one saying "If you need anything let me know" yet difficult to assimilate the sentiment when it is directed at you.

I realize that more often than not it is a formality issued from one person to another. I also realize that most people have no real intention to either provide "anything" or accept "anything"

So then why do people say it?

I guess from my dealings in the last week, that it seems to bring a level of comfort to hear. While I have no intention of ever asking anyone for anything it is soothing to know that people are at least kind enough to ask.

I don't know... right now I can't focus, can't eat right, can't sleep right. It seems like if i do then thats when i'm going to get the call.

As strong as I show myself to be to my family I know the second that I know for sure she is gone I will be lost.
Now i could never tell my family that i'm an emotional wreck, nor can i show it outwardly.
To do show would be to dishonor my mom. She would accept no less than for me to hold my family together during this time as she always did.

Sure wish i didn't have to.

???

How is it possible that you can be speaking to people one day and the next they come dangerously close death? Its so difficult to come to grips with you own mortality when you see someone close to you fighting for their life. You question everything you've ever said and done in the matter of minutes. After that you go over it again and pick out the most obscure things possible to remember.
I had that experience Sunday. My mom is lying in a hospital bed clinging to life via a resperator. The 8 hours of excruaciating waiting was enough to want to die myself. At the same time i had to hold on to the belief that she would hold on. No one wants to think of not being around their parents.

I guess the older i get the more i realize that my folks aren't going to be here forever but damn,I wasn't expecting this.

Oops

It certainly seemed like an easy request to be done. Do a blog for the next class. As luck would have it we haven't had class in over a week and I still didn't get to doing a post. Well ...here i sit. Bored, tired, and exhausted from work. Weekends blend from one to another when you work in a management position. It almost becomes insane in that the only thing that seems to change are the seasons. I couldn't tell you the last time I sat down to have a normal dinner, or breakfast or lunch for that matter. I'm constantly on the go and constantly pulled from one project to the next. So it seems not surprising to me when I realize I've neglected doing my homework. The one thing that was supposed to help me maintain a management job is the one thing I seem to not find time for.

Oh well...here's hoping for more snow.